What Are You? Am I Indigenous?

What Are You? Am I Indigenous? The Nuance of Identity. 

Am I Indigenous*? This is an ever-evolving question people ask and I ask of myself.  The United States of America with it’s systems of colonization and oppression, force people to identify in a binary way of either/or. You're either Black or you are not.  You are either Latina or you are not. For those of us on the edges of identities, we know it’s not that simple. Nuance is important. Let’s unpack how I identify considering this and Indigenous People’s right to self determination. 

Am I Indigenous?  

Since my bio states that I am a mixed-race woman with Indigenous Ancestors, many people approach me as an Indigenous person. 

My Indigenous Ancestors and family are detribalized and no longer have any connection to our Indigenous culture. Therefore, I do not identify as Indigenous.  In honoring Indigenous Nations in North America in their own self determination, I am not claimed by any Indigenous Nation currently so I am respectful not to override that determination. In fact, colonization was completely successful in wiping away any reliable connection other than a very vague long-standing oral history of the Indigenous Nation my family is connected to. So reconnection is not possible for me at this time.  

Since I don’t identify myself as Indigenous:

1. I do not accept any money for being “Indigenous*”.  I pass on solo speaking events with the sole focus on Indigenous perspectives to members of Indigenous communities that I know. For example in college, I was offered a $2000 scholarship that was available to me from a Native American fund.  I declined, and the scholarship was awarded to a single mother who was not registered to her tribe due to the laws that make it hard for many women to maintain their tribal status.  She is an active part of her community and deserved this award. 

2. I uplift and help spread awareness of Indigenous activists doing amazing work around the world. 

3. I advocate for honorariums for Indigenous speakers and activists when I pass on that information. 

4. My cultural appropriation awareness work is free to the world**. This is my way of giving back and uplifting Indigenous communities and other marginalized communities around the world.  

5. I do not pass on any Indigenous spiritual practices that have been taught or given to me from Indigenous People. 

6. I do support Indigenous artists, creative makers, and activists often and enthusiastically.  I use and wear these items proudly. 

7. I am up front and honest about my family history and lack of connection to my ancestors Indigenous culture here in North America. 

8. The only time I do identify as “Native American” is when I need to fill out forms asking for my ethnicity.  Often I can check both White and Native American, honoring my mixed-race identity.  However, if I have to choose between white or Native American I will choose Native American.  Please read below where I explain why.  

Am I Mixed-Race? 

I didn’t choose to identify as mixed-race, other people did that for me.  

Growing up I was constantly asked, “What are you?” Growing up I would tell people I was Native American because that was the only answer I had.   I was made fun of for my dark knees and elbows and my very dark leg hair that my mom would not let me shave.  I was told I was full of shit because of my brown skin, hair and eyes. 

I felt so different and insecure with my partially hooded eyes and flat face compared to my mostly German/English descent peers that I actively tried to hide the side view of my face whenever I could. 

I have been mistaken for the maid and earned less tips than my white, conventionally pretty coworkers. People will often start speaking Spanish (or even Mandarin to me when I lived in China) thinking that I would understand them. 

I have been physically assaulted because of people thinking I was someone of an marginalized ethnicity that they could brutalize and exhort without consequences. It wasn’t until they figured out I was American that they left me alone. 

In China and Saudi Arabia, I saw this clearly in not having all the “expat” privilege of being American in other countries I lived in.  People thought I was Filipina or that I was Muslim and should have my hair covered and act a certain way.  While I acknowledge that “expat” privilege is a class and racist issue,  that’s an entirely different blog post. I just knew I was differently from my white American colleagues because I didn’t pass for white and therefore wasn’t assumed to be American. 

As I have gotten older, I have physically gotten lighter so I have more white privilege and I blend in more than I used to.  Interestingly, my son’s father is also mixed-race (Black and German) and so is our son.  Many in our friend group were POC and mixed race.  I find a sense of belonging with others that are mixed-race. 

I do identify as a mixed-race woman. 

1. People have given me this designation and now I own that reality. 

2. My Indigenous Ancestors and family suffer from the afflictions of colonization and racism.  Alcoholism and substance abuse are a real joy stealer for many in my family.

3. There is a long history of sexual abuse, assault and domestic violence in my family. My Grandma asked me to break the cycle as she called it.  I am trying my very best to do so.   

4. My Indigenous Grandma Shirley was what many call large fat and weighed over 300lbs.  She did an experimental bariatric surgery in which she did lose some weight.  I have a chronic condition called PCOS that affects my pituitary gland. It’s pro-inflammatory and causes rapid weight gain in my body when stressed.  It’s a genetic condition that I am assuming my Grandma and maybe some of my aunts have/had.  Chronic illness is more likely for people who suffered intergenerational trauma which my family did as a result of colonization.

5. My Indigenous ancestors were not able to pass on intergenerational wealth to the next generation because of their place in society.  My Grandma Shirley worked service jobs and caregiver jobs such as a CNA, which ultimately led to her hurting her back so much it affected her quality of life.  My grandma died poor and under-resourced at a much too young age of 62. 

6. This lineage of my family is what some would call cursed because so many of the parents died so young leaving their children without one of their parents growing up. My Grandma Shirley’s Mom Jeanette died when she was 11 years old. Her Grandma died when her Mom was only 2 years old. 

1. I do identify myself on forms that ask for my ethnicity with mixed-race or white and Native American or Native American if that is the only option.  I do this because I want statistics and information about health outcomes, living situations, education ect to have a more accurate account of my life in America living as a mixed-race person.  

2. I want to honor my Indigenous Ancestors by not erasing their lineage and life.  They survived, they gave birth, and they returned to the Earth as life intends.  By claiming them, I honor their joy and their suffering.  

Considering all the nuance above, I feel most comfortable at this time identifying as a mixed-race woman with Indigenous Ancestors.  This honors my family’s very common Indigenous experience of being torn away from their community and culture.  This honors Indigenous Communities right to self determination in who they claim to be in their community.  This honors my experience of being mixed-race in The United States of America and in the world. 

Thank you for allowing me room to process and honoring my lived experience. 

*(I am an American living in the USA so the term Indigenous is referencing Indigenous People of the Americas)

** I offer free workshops and mini-courses on Cultural Appropriation. I often teach and discuss cultural appropriation on podcasts etc. I do charge for one on one work with all topics including cultural appropriation because coaching time on my calendar is one way I survive in late stage capitalism.